The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
