she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
