I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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