An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize