how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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