Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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