I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
