Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Is it because I queefed?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
