Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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