Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
