Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
