I could have mohawked her pubes.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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