it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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