My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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