At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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