I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
