"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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