...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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