I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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