is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
