my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
