I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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