I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
