he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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