What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
