When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
