none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize