so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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