3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
