Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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