Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
