Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
