So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
