He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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