If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize