sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
