I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
