I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
