I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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