im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
there was a trapeze. enough said
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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