Umm I'm too high to move.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
