Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Then you guys just all showered together...?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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