I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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