i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
