he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
