Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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