im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
