I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
