I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
