My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he fucked my hip out of place.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
