1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
