he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
