I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
