It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
