We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
