Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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