Me. At least after what I've been through.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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