Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
