So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just forgot I was standing up.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
