I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
