So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
