Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
