Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
