..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
