omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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