I'm lost and stupid without you.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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