There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
