You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i now understand why vodka
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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