bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
