She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
