I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
