I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
