so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
