I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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