i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i already hear my dad disowning me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
