He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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