I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
