she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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