So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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