my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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